Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Ocha Menangis..............................
Saturday Night, Oct 28th 2006, around 11.30 PM
(urrr…I think, hiehiehie)

I was at the bar making a single drop of Martini for a totally annoying guest when my cellphone rings. I turned around to answered it when it turned out to be
Ocha’s at the bitter end. As I hit ‘receive call’ button, I could hear her weeping…without saying ‘halo’ or asking me anything less or more, all she ever said was : “Kesepian, Ra...”. And she immediately hung up the phone…and my heart stopped.

I quickly grabbed Ton to replace me and told everyone that I had a stomachache and ran to the manager’s office which was empty. I locked myself inside and turned on my laptop to see if she was online…and she was. So I said hi to her and gave her the many questions that came through my mind the second I heard her voice on the phone…and on every single response and answers that she gave me, I’m so sure that she was crying while typing them. And I strongly prepared myself for everything, only to be a stronger person to hold and cheer her, even from far away…

And on that night’s conversation she told me everything, how she feels, how she’s hurting…
how she misses that guy so deeply that it hurts her more and more inside.
She already told me everything that went through her life lately ever since before she left to Jakarta, so I know every story and every detail of what was bothering her in her mind, and I try my hardest to calm her…and so I did.

We chatted for about an hour or maybe less and the conversation ended when she was more calm…but then just before she said goodbye, she sent me a message saying: “I think he’s online”…then I told her to talked to him, but she said “I can’t…I’m so tired and I don’t know what to say to him because I miss him so much”.
Then she went off…

And I felt it…the hurt that she was feeling and the passion in which she’s burning suddenly came through me, and I felt everything that she had. But the pain I felt the most (and still feeling) was to hear her cry…to know that she is still crying. It hurts to see her in pain. But there’s nothing I can do to make things right…nothing I can do other than supporting her and being her friend. And it hurts me. Because she won’t let me do anything…all she said was: “I don’t want to hurt anyone. Let all the pain be on me, but I will never have regrets whatsoever”

For Ocha:
I love you…please stop crying
Let me protect you…please

Friday, October 27, 2006

LANGKAH PERI

Melambung
Kini aku berlari lepas dari
Tenang lama yang mengikat lagu lama
yang berputar
Melambung
Kini aku melaju pergi jauh
Terbawa arus yang
kencang tak ingat wajah yang keji

Bayang-bayang selalu mengikuti
walau tak mungkin menerkam
Kejar-kejar tak akan tertangkap diri melintasi
rasa takut lagi
Dan andai kau ubah jarak ku tak kan kembali
Dan jika
maapmu tiba ku tak kan kembali

Melambung
Kini bunga bersemi lagi
tanpa
Ada bayang bersuara lintasi bintang kejora
Melambung
Daku kian
menari riang jauh
Hilangkan duka melambai bayang-bayang tak
bersisa
(Langkah Peri - Cherry Bombshell)



Lagi bengong d kost an sambil merenung and sedikit mencoba menghilangkan rasa malas utk brangkat kerja, tiba2 komputer muter lagu ini...kebetulan baru beberapa hari yg lalu Ocha ngirim lagu ini k gw pas lg chatingan bareng lewat YM (maklum...sama2 miskin pulsa) ketika doi lagi bernostalgia berat ama lagu ini (katanya sih 'lagi kangen ma someone', hehehehehehe...). Katanya sih, siapa tau lagu ini bisa nemenin gw klo gw ngerasa 'kosong' banget...
Dan akhirnya pikiran gw melayang lagi balik k beberapa waktu yg lalu, beberapa tahun tepatnya...ketika gw merasakan kesendirian yang sama...kesepian. Dan ingatan gw jg sempet 'mampir' k saat gw pertama kali benar2 merasa kenal dengan Ocha, ketika gw satu kali ngeliat dia d kantin skolah main gitar ma temen2nya and nyanyiin lagu ini with her funny voice (sumpah Cha, suara lo tuh lucu banget :p) dan saat itulah gw merasa menemukan 'teman'...hanya karena kagum sama anak mungil ini dan sedikit 'terharu' ketika dia senyum and ngajak main bareng...padahal gw gak kenal sama sekali ama temen2nya.
Kesepian...Loneliness...the one major thing that the both of us shared and still sharing, the one keyword that made us friends. Loneliness...the one true feeling that lives eternally in my heart, ever since the beginning of my story until now...dan lagu ini entah kenapa sedikit banyak cocok sama apa yg saat ini ada di pikiran gw. Soal bagaimana kesepian ini muncul justru pada saat gw berusaha keras meninggalkan masa lalu gw, meninggalkan semua sakit hati gw...kenapa lagi2 gw ngerasa kesepian itu balik lagi, ketika gw yakin bahwa gw yang saat ini tidak akan lagi hidup dihantui masa lalu...
Ahhh...bosan...merasa seperti ini
Seandainya, Cha...gw bisa mengikuti Langkah Peri...
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