I was at the bar making a single drop of Martini for a totally annoying guest when my cellphone rings. I turned around to answered it when it turned out to be Ocha’s at the bitter end. As I hit ‘receive call’ button, I could hear her weeping…without saying ‘halo’ or asking me anything less or more, all she ever said was : “Kesepian, Ra...”. And she immediately hung up the phone…and my heart stopped.
I quickly grabbed Ton to replace me and told everyone that I had a stomachache and ran to the manager’s office which was empty. I locked myself inside and turned on my laptop to see if she was online…and she was. So I said hi to her and gave her the many questions that came through my mind the second I heard her voice on the phone…and on every single response and answers that she gave me, I’m so sure that she was crying while typing them. And I strongly prepared myself for everything, only to be a stronger person to hold and cheer her, even from far away…
And on that night’s conversation she told me everything, how she feels, how she’s hurting…how she misses that guy so deeply that it hurts her more and more inside.
She already told me everything that went through her life lately ever since before she left to Jakarta, so I know every story and every detail of what was bothering her in her mind, and I try my hardest to calm her…and so I did.
We chatted for about an hour or maybe less and the conversation ended when she was more calm…but then just before she said goodbye, she sent me a message saying: “I think he’s online”…then I told her to talked to him, but she said “I can’t…I’m so tired and I don’t know what to say to him because I miss him so much”. Then she went off…
And I felt it…the hurt that she was feeling and the passion in which she’s burning suddenly came through me, and I felt everything that she had. But the pain I felt the most (and still feeling) was to hear her cry…to know that she is still crying. It hurts to see her in pain. But there’s nothing I can do to make things right…nothing I can do other than supporting her and being her friend. And it hurts me. Because she won’t let me do anything…all she said was: “I don’t want to hurt anyone. Let all the pain be on me, but I will never have regrets whatsoever”
I love you…please stop crying
Let me protect you…please